Being a monster
by bkokocha
Summary: The stubborn little maid transform herself in a tiny "beast". What is happening with Rumple from her eyes. Rumbelle.


Of course was a bad idea. No one could deny that go into the potions room, alone, was not one of the smartest ideas of her life. Rumplestiltskin was soundly sleeping on the couch of the library, after being seduced by her sweet voice reading a book about poetry, when Belle sneaked out of the room to find the heavy doors with the big plaque and the inscription: "No admission to little, curious and stubborn maid".

Back in the first days of her stay in the Dark Castle, Belle and her cleaning hand had found the room. Full of sacks of rotten herbs and fetid smells, dirty containers of bronze with dirt, dead animals inside water, many jars of all sizes and colors with something suspicious; all of it, under a big coat of grey dust and darkness.

That night, when Rumplestiltskin returned from one of his business, he found her little maid and all his valuable potions; the first in the floor unconscious, but fine, and the seconds floating over the waters of the spring, burned by a bonfire and lost under her efficient hands full of soap. She was a girl with all the luck of the world. Years of work, money and countless of valuable and invaluable magic ingredients and dangerous potions were lost that day, Forever, and she was complete and healthy. (Who will guess that a potion was a so delicate concoction that just a little of water and soap will screw up!)

Of course Rumplestiltskin gave her a very loudly reprimand, that included lighting and storm winds and one or two whirlwinds inside the dining room. His temper just calmed thanks to a pair of wet blue eyes and a sincere apology. Said apology was enough for him, but not for the near villages of the castle when fishes with hands and legs walked around the town; a bunch of toads declared themselves enchanted princes of faraway places to marry noblewomen; a small village population was lost transformed in wolves, hens and little snails; people grow two heads, some more grow trees over their heads… and many more scandals that is best not remember to don't open wounds. "At least was not the plague" tried to joke Belle to a stressed Rumplestiltskin.

This day, not even the memories of those past disasters were enough to dissuade her from entering to the potions room. With sweet words and charming smiles, she persuaded the Dark Castle of open the doors and locks, to let her rummage around the place. When a beautiful bottle of glass caught her eye; full of golden flakes and with a label in Rumple's beautiful but unreadable handwritten that included the word: "…pain-…" she thought that she had found it. With greedy hands, Belle took one little bottle, and after hide it under her clothes, she disappeared in the darkness to direction to her room.

Under the light of the moon that came from the windows of her bathroom, Belle washed her petticoats covered with blood stains. Wearing one large cotton cloth inside her drawers and her thinnest nightclothes; Belle took a little spoon of the golden flakes with a glass of water, _like the last time_, and went to bed.

Rumplestiltskin opened his eyes in the same instant that his tongue felt the taste of something bitter. When he looked around, he only found her book over her divan, and over his legs, a blanket of hers. He felt immediately that something was not right.

- "Belle!"

His voice did an echo in every room of the castle, but she was not there. In fact, she was anywhere. Rumplestiltskin walked in circles, again and again; to the principal room, the kitchen, the library, her room, his room, the garden. With every repeated search, his voice became little by little broken and his chest heavier, to the point that in the middle of a long hallway he needed to stop and rest against the wall; because he was not breathing since long ago. Trembling, dizzy and without breath, Rumplestiltskin understood that Belle, his little, curious and stubborn maid, had flee from him at the end.

Belle has been following him as fast has her little feet let her doing so. When she discovered that she was able to climb up the walls, she tried to follow him like that. Was safer than try to be next to him and risk herself to end under his boots soles, but the task of follow a fast and anxious Rumplestiltskin around the castle was too much for her tiny self. Anyway she decided to try at least, since sleep tonight like…like she was right didn't felt like a good idea.

The control of her new body was a problem. Constantly falling to the ground in a big mess of short legs, a head and a tail; she was fighting with herself. Her new instincts demanded be far away from the ground and inside a dark place, but obey them would let her get used to this new body. Doing so was something that she didn't want, because "get used" to this form was accepting herself like someone that she was not. So while she ate like lunch an unfortunate tinny and juicy spider that crossed her path, she decided that her best chance was going to the spinning wheel of the principal room, and wait for Rumplestiltskin there.

"He is so strange" – she thought, while she tried to walk avoiding be whipped by her tail - not because his singular appearance, that after a close look was just different from the common, but his mood. He could change and jump from combinations of happiness, anger, shyness and always, behind all of this feelings; Belle will always feel a profound and endless sadness that he tried never show. He was a mystery who was afraid of being uncovered, perhaps, because behind the entire magical trick, he was as boring and common like all of the people. Alone he felt secure, but the loneliness was killing him slowly.

She understood that at see how her innocent approaches to him, with words and little touches, not only startled him, but caused an internal struggle of anger, pain and need. He tried so hard ignore her presence and being in a secure place far away; but in the end he always sabotaged his own resolutions, searching for more of her presence.

Perhaps he was a mystery to himself too. But while he held himself to a wall, without breath after desperately call her name; she questioned to herself if he felt too, in this moment, the amount of revelation about himself that she felt.

Took her more time than the expected find the principal room, because the ground was hard and the hunger for more lunch was strong, but when she entered crawling under the door frame; she found him there. He was not spinning like she expected. He was drinking from a flask, sat on the couch in front of the fire, with the gaze lost in thought and an expression of loneliness that reached all his body. Belle found her way to the long wood table which climbed until the top; a good place to be found. Hiding behind the teapot, she just hoped that was his intuition and not his shoe, the one that found her first. From there she watched him.

The "monster" looked more like the solitary man lost in the darkness that he was, once, long time ago, when he was "normal". A simple man with a son and a wife. What happened that time that transformed him to this? A new being, the "monster", with instincts and fear of be consumed by the darkness if he didn't get used to play with it. To be. When he had lost the hope on himself to let him get used to that body and the mask of monster that covered everything of him, excepting those sad eyes that wanted desperately being human again?

Was not long time since her transformation, and she understood that. A part of her felt the pressure to be used to this new self. Like an instinctual call to become, to survive, that came from this new body. Her negation to accept herself was cause of distress to her mind, but even then, _she_ was the one who decided and controlled the urgency of lost herself in this new nature. She was Lady Belle of Avonlea _and not this being who needed so hard to hide under the darkest place in this castle._ So she protected her, the real self, under the resolution and security of her name and her humanity: the memories of childhood, the portrait of her mother, the histories of her favorite books, her favorite laugh, the scent of leather, his jokes, his shyness, the look of worry for the "little stubborn maid", the sight of him at thinking her lost forever, his need of being near to her presence… and his sad eyes.

_"Since when I love you so much?" –_Belle heard him talk to himself in a barely loud voice at feel the security that brought the darkness and loneliness, covering his face with his hand, afraid of say and cry more than this whisper.

Belle didn't know either. The man that was uncommon on his appearance, on his behavior, on his ways of think and act, on his sad eyes and his silent afraid of her touch. The one that make her wonder again and again. _Why she loved him for all of that?_Since when he was part too, of her reasons to don't let her being be consumed by this new appearance and the darkness, that asked her forget everything and be free, forgetting her humanity?

A sound behind his back startled him and called his attention. A chirp from an animal. A strange voice that felt familiar. Over the table, he saw a little blue lizard watching him intently, with an expression that looked like a smile.

- "Belle?"

There was no doubt in his heart that was her. He heard the whisper of his name in an unknown animal tongue, again. He knew it. He felt it. With a movement of his hand and a puff of magic that filled the room of purple smoke, returned to him the beautiful, little, stubborn and adorable maid. She looked at him with her blue eyes; and the cruel part of his heart let him believe that perhaps, with more than a thankful look. They shared a moment of mutual silent contemplation, which ended so soon, when she discovered her nakedness. Before she was able to say or throw him something for his impudence, he ran away from the room, leaving with another puff of his magic her blue dress over the table.

He waited for her behind the closed doors and trying to calm the unease that made him want just disappear this separation between them. He needed more than his inhuman strength to make possible shut this necessity on his body of run to her, hug her, never let her go more than this far from him again. When the reason of the man controlled the urgency of the monster; she showed up again dressed and with her beautiful hair still a mess, full of tears and excuses for enter the prohibited room without his knowledge. He was just able to watch her and be sure that she was complete, safe and right. She talked again and again an endless nonsense. She was so near to him, that he was able to feel her breath and her thoughts, and that strong shiver that wanted him just be brave and honest to this feelings; to forget everything and touch her. But wasn't important how much he tried to cover himself behind the mask; he was still the same coward.

Perhaps afraid of his silence, she stopped her babble and looked at him with a frown.

- I'm here Rumple – she told him.

Waken from the numbness by her words; he just permitted to himself raise his hand and took between his fingers a lock of her hair, at which he watched to avoid her worried eyes. He just nodded in silence.

The same night, in front of the fire of the library, Rumplestiltskin couch was by an inch, more near to her divan and with a furtive smile, he heard the tale about her adventures like a little lizard. Before they retired to their rooms, he stopped her, only with his voice, because he was still incapable of walk and found her.

- Why did you entered to the potions room, little maid? Because I suspect that even if I decide to put a dragon to protect that door, you will be able to charm him until he will let you do your will. So I'm afraid that I must by necessity put a spell over you to protect…my belongings. So before that, I ask you now: What you were searching for?

She avoided his eyes in silence.

- You were searching for a way to esca…return to home? – He continued.

She was who took the first step to walk to his side. With warm hands she made him look at her eyes and denied with a movement of her head and a sad smile.

- Why then, Belle? Why you risked yourself like that? I know I'm not the one to have your trust, but at least you…but I just can think in many things that you must want to do to me without my knowledge, and I deserve them, but then what will happen to you if I'm not here to protect you of your adventures, because even here I can't and…

His voice was smaller with every word of this masked confession. He shut himself at felt her arms hold him. Both fighting the tears that wanted, so hard, appear in their eyes.

- You know how frustrating is that you always think the worse? Rumple, I was just searching for…a pain killer.

She wanted to look at him to the eyes to assure him that her words were true. She knew him so well, to suspect the way of his thoughts. But he held her in his grasp so hard, perhaps, because he didn't want her to see that he was crying too. She knew because he barely was able to control his broken voice when he talked again.

- You are sick? You thought that I will not let you find a cure to…

- No, I'm fine, Rumple.

- Then?

This time he let her look at him, because he really needed to know the truth, and looked at her carefully when she blushed furiously.

- Like a month ago you saw me…bad, and gave me those golden flakes…I was just…looked the same you know? But... I don't feel comfortable talking to you about…that. To a…man.

He looked at her a moment, an "Ah!" was his only answer while he held her close again, over his lap, forgetting everything around them, until he, talked with his mischievous voice and a laugh.

- For the painful doorstep salesmen and little stubborn maids those are too shy to ask…I must correct the labels and add that. I'm going to do a fortune with this...

- You turn people into lizards for doing their job, Rumplestiltskin? – She asked him with a serious tone.

- Just painful doorstep salesmen and now little stubborn maids those are too shy to ask.

- That is so horrible, Rumplestiltskin.

- I'm a heartless monster, my little maid. You must remember that.

In silence, she watched in his eyes that little sparkle that she was only able to find when she was close to him. Inside this sad eyes was too the shy man behind the mask. Belle touched the trace of his tears with her finger.

- I only see a crying man.

- You confuse my tears of laugh with ones of sorrow, little maid.

- You are a _liar_, Rumplestiltskin.

- _One,_ that even will menace you, if will make you promise never enter to that room again.

Angry with him, Belle got up from his lap ready to leave him there alone to his darkness; until she felt that he was still grabbing, with timid fingers, the skirt of her dress. He was avoiding her eyes again.

- And what if one day I need to save you from your own adventures Rumplestiltskin. I will not be able if I promise that to you. And I will not promise nothing under that despicable tone. So if you excuse me, I'm tired.

- I will put that spell over you for real.

- And I will use the rest of the flakes in your soup.

- Why you are so stubborn, Belle!?.

- Because you are too! So goodnight Rumplestiltskin, I love you too!

- What!?


End file.
